There reaches an inevitable point whenever I come to the end of a post, and have to decide how to close it out — do I just tell you something about how incredibly excited we are to meet you? Do I sign it, as if it’s a letter (e.g., Love, Dad)? Or do I abandon having a conclusion altogether, and let the blog posts kind of stream together?
With the first post, my initial thought was to sign it “Love, Dad.” That’s how I posted it initially. I later removed it, partly because I don’t want to be restricted by the formalities of writing a letter to you for each post (I like consistency and a logical order to things, so signing some and not others isn’t an option), but I’d be lying if I said part of it wasn’t also because I haven’t quite owned the Dad title yet. This has nothing to do with dreading being a Dad — I’ve never been more excited for anything in my life — but at this point of the pregnancy (17 weeks as of yesterday), it’s still not totally real yet. With you being our first child, there’s just no prior experience I can look back on to know what’s to come, and since I’m not the one carrying you inside of me for 9 months, we don’t yet have the same physical connection that you and your Mom do. I can’t feel you growing, though I should soon feel you kicking (they say that begins sometime between Weeks 17 and 22), and in many ways you’re consequently more of a concept or idea than an actual physical person. Ideally, that will change by January.
On another level, this is also a pretty overwhelming experience, and it takes a while to get used to the thought that you’re going to be (half) responsible for actually creating a human being. A little human who’s going to have many of your traits (sorry about that), who’s going to take up the vast majority of your time for the next couple decades (consider us even), and who you’re going to love more than anything you’ve ever loved in your life.
It’s quite the adventure, and like our man Sturgill says on Welcome to Earth (Pollywog), “You may not be my last / But you’ll always be my first.” This is undoubtedly an experience that will forever change us, and you’ve provided your Mom and me with one of the most profound experiences of our lives.
Okay, here we go… we’ll make an exception this one time…