Can’t Wait, But I Will

By on October 7, 2016

When I was young, I was a very slow eater. Not as slow as BB, who might be the slowest eater on the planet, but I really took my time. This was particularly the case for my favourite meals (e.g., spaghetti and meatballs) — rather than judging how much I liked a meal by how quickly I wolfed it down, you could get a good idea of how much I was enjoying it by how long it took me to finish. I wanted to extend my enjoyment of it for as long as possible, and was always baffled by those who devoured their food as if it might get up and walk off their plate at any moment. (Unfortunately, as I got older, I discovered that you could just have seconds — and thirds — and that’s where we began to have problems.)

While I’m not quite the slow eater I once was, there undoubtedly remains a certain part of that mindset in my personality. I don’t like to rush through the things I like, and will typically do what I can to prolong my enjoyment of them (hence why I often use baby-sized utensils to eat my favourite foods).

With that in mind, I don’t think it should come as a huge shock that I never wanted to find out whether you were going to be a boy or girl. While we really don’t care what you are so long as you’re healthy (I know I have to say that, but it’s true), finding out would fill in a rather significant piece of the puzzle. The midwife recently referred to you as a “he,” and I nearly fell out of my chair — we later realized it was unlikely she even knew your gender at the time, and as the mother of boys, probably just used the pronoun she was most familiar with — but it provided a glimpse of how that moment will feel.

The thing is, there’s something so thrilling about this gradual process of interacting with and getting to know you, and finding out your gender early almost feels like we’d be cheating. At first, we heard your “pretty much perfect” heartbeat; then, we saw your image on the ultrasound and the trademark Morrison noggin; and now, we’re feeling your kicks, tumbles, and whatever else it is you’re doing in there (you were going bonkers last night). Each day is more exciting than the last, and it’s just such an amazing time for us. I wouldn’t change it for anything.

Boy or girl, I know I’ll completely lose it when I find out. It will be amazing, and I can’t wait. But I will.